First things first, it's okay to not be okay. As humans we want everyone to think we are doing good, we want others to have this idea that we know what we are doing, we don't have any personal issues, we aren't having a hard time, we have our lives together. Truth is, there are moments, days, even weeks we are struggling and to our breaking point and that is okay.
It's okay to not have everything together, to struggle and to break down. As a person who likes for people to think I have everything together, here is me at my most vunerable... I do not have my life together right now. My anxiety over takes me, my mind races more every second and my heart follows. There are days I feel like I can't even get out of bed or just interacting with someone is going to drain every ounce of energy that I have left. But, one day it will be better and until then I will take each day as it comes because that's all I can do right now. As the tears come- and they will, I will fight them back while at work or in public and take every deep breath I can find to make it out without crying and on my way out, when I can't make it to the car I will sneak into the bathroom, close the door, and let the tears flow because my energy is gone. My anxiety is maxed out and I have to take a minute. That is okay. I will sit in my car, lay my head on the steering wheel and breathe deeply to gather myself. That is okay.
It is a bad day, a bad week, maybe even a bad month but it is NOT a bad life. God tells us that He will never give us more than we can handle and trust me, I do not always believe that especially now, but I know I can trust Him and over time I will be alright and know He has been with me through the lowest valleys. In these valleys I will praise Him, just as I do on the mountain tops. Praising Him through the highest and the lowest. Right now, I might be in the low valley but He deserves my praises in it all.
Please know- THAT IT'S OKAY IF YOU AREN'T OKAY. I am always an open ear. I know that I could never be where I'm at if it weren't for the people that love me, care for me and listen to me. Whether they are there while I'm in my valleys or they are there to celebrate with me on the mountain tops, I couldn't be here without them. God has blessed me with them. I owe Him the glory and praise for them. Find your true people who listen and who celebrate.
Next point- it's okay to not be where you thought you would be. This is a huge struggle of mine. In my mind I'm suppose to be at this certain point in life... I am no where close to that. That is okay. That is where I trust God, because He knows what this part of my life is. I want to be in control but I have to give it to God. Which is so tough but it will be what is best for me. So, if you're in this spot in your life where you're asking 'why am I not where I'm supposed to be' know that you are exactly where God wants you. He has written your story and knows what is next for you. That is where you have to trust him. That's where I HAVE TO TRUST HIM.
I hope reading this post and getting to know me through this, let's you know that you aren't alone in your anxiety, you aren't alone in not being okay, you aren't alone in not being where you thought you would be. GOD is for you, I am for you, YOU SHOULD BE FOR YOU.
Until next time,
Kelli- the one who locks herself in the bathroom at work, and praises God through the valleys
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